Chapter 7: Developing and Ending Relationships
This chapter discusses the role of interpersonal communication as partners traverse stages of relationship development and dissolution. Within new relationships, communication functions to reduce uncertainty, promote positive possibilities, and help partners discover common ground. Within escalating relationships, interpersonal communication helps people create a connection, resolve doubts, coordinate behavior, and strive for equity. When relationships are ending, people need to make a decision about the future of the relationship, manage the face threats inherent in ending a close bond, reassert their own independence, and come to term with the transformation of a once close association. By putting theory into practice, this chapter offers tips for starting relationships out on the right track, navigating the road to intimacy, and exiting relationships with grace.
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HDYR Scale 7.1: Relational Uncertainty
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HDYR Scale 7.2: Using Secret Tests to Diagnose Relationship Development
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Communication In Action Forms
CIA Form 7.1: Making the Most of Small Talk
CIA Form 7.2: Mapping Your Self-disclosures
CIA Form 7.3: Creating a Relationship Balance Sheet
CIA Form 7.4: Identifying Strategies for Ending Relationships
Connect with Theory
Connect with Theory 7.1
Uncertainty reduction theory was developed to explain how people communicate to minimize doubts about their social environments. In essence, the theory claims that people don’t like uncertainty. When there is a lack of information about a conversational partner or a social situation, it can make people anxious. As a result, people try to reduce uncertainty when encountering unfamiliar social situations. According to the theory, the primary goal of communication is to reduce uncertainty so that people can predict and explain their surroundings. There are three general ways in which people go about minimizing uncertainty: passive strategies, active strategies, and interactive strategies. Passive strategies involve unobtrusive observation of others. For example, you may look someone up on social media to see what you can find out about them. Active strategies occur when people seek information from a third party or manipulate the social environment to gather information about the target person. Instead of directly interacting with the target person, you may ask their friends, co-workers, or family members about the person in question. You may also conduct experiments, such as secret tests, to see how someone reacts. Interactive strategies entail going straight to the source and asking questions to gain insights. For example, you may send the target person a message or comment on their post on social media. Another way to implement the interactive strategy is to disclose information about yourselves with the specific hope that the other person will do the same and share things about them. Although uncertainty reduction theory was originally proposed to understand how strangers communicate during that initial interaction, it has been applied to other contexts, such as intercultural interactions, established relationships, computer-mediated interactions, and organizational settings. For example, Kramer (1994) found that employees use the interactive strategy to solicit feedback from peers and supervisors to acquire knowledge during job transitions.
References and other suggested readings:
Berger, C. R. (1986). Uncertain outcome values in predicted relationships: Uncertainty reduction theory then and now. Human Communication Research, 13(1), 34–38. https://doi.org/10.1111/j.1468-2958.1986.tb00093.x
Berger, C. R., & Calabrese, R. J. (1975). Some explorations in initial interaction and beyond: Toward a developmental theory of interpersonal communication. Human Communication Research, 1(2), 91–112. https://doi.org/10.1111/j.1468-2958.1975.tb00258.x
Grace, R., & Tham, J. C. K. (2021). Adapting uncertainty reduction theory for crisis communication: Guidelines for technical communicators. Journal of Business and Technical Communication, 35(1), 110–117. https://doi.org/10.1177/1050651920959188
Knobloch, L. K. (2008). Uncertainty reduction theory: Communication under conditions of ambiguity. In L. A Baxter & D. O. Braithwaite (Eds.), Engaging theories of interpersonal communication: Multiple perspectives (pp. 133–144). SAGE.
Knobloch, L. K., Satterlee, K. L., & DiDomenico, S. M. (2010). Relational uncertainty predicting appraisals of face threat in courtship: Integrating uncertainty reduction theory and politeness theory. Communication research, 37(3), 303–334. https://doi.org/10.1177/0093650210362527 Kramer, M. W. (1994). Uncertainty reduction during job transitions: An exploratory study of the communication experiences of newcomers and transferees. Management Communication Quarterly, 7(4), 384–412. https://doi.org/10.1177/0893318994007004002
Connect with Theory 7.2
Relational turbulence theory was developed to understand how people manage transitions in close relationships. The theory suggests that people experience more relational uncertainty and influence from the partner when there is a change in the relationship environment. During times of transition, such as moving from casual dating to serious involvement, people may have doubts about their relationship. You may wonder how you feel about the relationship (Do I like this person? Do I want this to go on?), question your partner’s feelings and intentions in the relationship (Does he/she like me? Does he/she want this to go on?), and have concerns about the state of the relationship itself (What is our status? How will things change?). In addition, the theory argues that people’s daily activities and routines are likely to be influenced by a partner during relationship transitions. For example, when first moving in with a significant other, you may find it helpful that your partner cooks dinner so that you can take care of other chores. At the same time, you may have to reschedule a haircut appointment because your partner needs a ride to work. As the example illustrates, a partner’s influence can either help accomplish everyday goals or make it more difficult to perform day-to-day activities. According to the theory, both relational uncertainty and disturbances from a partner can fuel people’s perceptions of the relationship as unsteady, chaotic, fragile, and tumultuous. When this happens, it can have negative consequences on the relationship. For example, previous research has shown that relational turbulence is linked to increased experiences of jealousy (Theiss & Solomon, 2006), conflict (Brisini & Solomon, 2021), and topic avoidance (Knobloch & Carpenter-Theune, 2004).
References and other suggested readings:
Brisini, K. S. C., Riccardi, R., & Wang, N. (2024). Turbulence, framing, and planning among college daters: testing relational turbulence theory in a dyadic, lab study. Human Communication Research, 50(4), 492–503. https://doi.org/10.1093/hcr/hqae010
Brisini, K., Solomon, D. H. (2021). Distinguishing relational turbulence, marital satisfaction, and parenting stress as predictors of ineffective arguing among parents of children with autism. Journal of Social and Personal Relationships, 38(1), 65–83. https://doi.org/10.1177/0265407520958197
Knobloch, L. K., & Carpenter-Theune, K. E. (2004). Topic avoidance in developing romantic relationships: Associations with intimacy and relational uncertainty. Communication Research, 31(2), 173–205. https://doi.org/10.1177/0093650203261516
Knobloch, L. K., Solomon, D. H., Theiss, J. A., & McLaren, R. M. (2021). Relational turbulence theory: Interpersonal communication during times of transition. In Engaging theories in interpersonal communication (pp. 366–378). Routledge. https://doi.org/10.4324/9781003195511-32
Solomon, D. H., Knobloch, L. K., Theiss, J. A., & McLaren, R. M. (2016). Relational turbulence theory: Explaining variation in subjective experiences and communication within romantic relationships. Human Communication Research, 42(4), 507–532. https://doi.org/10.1111/hcre.12091
Solomon, D. H., Li, Y., Brisini, K. S., & Vanderbilt, R. R. (2024). A longitudinal test of relational turbulence theory and serial arguments in romantic relationships. Journal of Communication, 74(6), 492–504. https://doi.org/10.1093/joc/jqae031 Theiss, J. A., & Solomon, D. H. (2006). A relational turbulence model of communication about irritations in romantic relationships. Communication Research, 33(5), 391–418. https://doi.org/10.1177/0093650206291482